Time for me to tear your favorite series to shreds.

1 star.

I realize that this is a popular series. That these are the books for the kids who are at least marginally interested in reading. I am not hating on you if you like this book series.

I’m just hating on the book series.

Before any crazy Cassandra Clare fans ask, yes, I have read almost all of her books. Yes, I read the entirety of the Mortal Instruments series. Not just City of Bones. Not just to City of Glass. All of them. All of them. Why?

I guess I hate myself.

I’m gonna backtrack. In 7th grade, I was super invested and involved in the book community. There was a time when the main holy trinity of books was composed of The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and The Mortal Instruments series (that’s more than three, but whatever).

I hadn’t read The Mortal Instruments, but I heard about them all the time, and I wanted to be included in all of the Internet talk. I wanted to ship Clace as much as everybody else did and I wanted to be in love with Jace Herondale because of how much I heard about him being “the best book boyfriend ever.”

So I read them. And let me tell you, at that age, I was a conformist. I forced myself to like things I didn’t like because other people liked them (an example, The Fault in Our Stars. Call me mean, but this is just an average love story with two unrealistic characters–one of whom called V For Vendetta was a guy movie [John Wick is a guy movie. V For Vendetta is a great movie, I will fight]–with cancer in the mix to make it interesting. Again, call me mean, that’s fair. But what you can’t call me is a liar.)

But even then, I did not like these books. And honestly, it’s shocking to still hear the praise people shower The Mortal Instruments with. I guess I can understand that some of it is coming from a place of nostalgia, but again, I vividly remember being at my most naive, most cringe state, trying so hard to like those books.

But they’re awful! The characters are awful! The plot is awful! I just–

Now, a disclaimer: I actually really liked her other series, The Infernal Devices, which is set in Victorian London prior. It follows a competent main character, Tessa. The main reasons why this series shines in my memory is for these notable aspects:

-The female characters are feminine. With the rise of the “strong female character” brand, Young Adult books especially fall into the trap of emasculating female characters, which is awful, not only because it makes for protagonists without personalities, but because it teaches young girls to view their own femininity as something to resent. The characters of Charlotte, Sophie, and Tessa are smart, well-read, and kind. I remember being so refreshed reading about female characters who weren’t stubborn and snappish, or just awful people for no reason, so extreme kudos there.

-It takes a healthy approach to the love triangle trope. I can’t get into this too much without spoiling, but instead of opting for the petty and immature approach to the love triangle as she did in her first series, Cassandra Clare actually created a love triangle composed of, well, love. The characters don’t act back-stabbed, and the female character isn’t towing two boys’ hearts along by some string. The three of them each love and treat each other with respect, which I appreciate.

-You know those fictional guys who are rude to the main girl and treat her like crap, but then reveal that “it was all because I loved you”? If you don’t, remember it, because I’ll get there. Anyway, the guy in this series who’s a jerk “in love with the main girl the whole time” is the ONLY one who gets away with this trope, ONLY because there is an actual, legitimate, logical, and surprisingly kind reason behind his behaviors. It isn’t something stupid like “Oh I was only mean to you because you come from a bad family or whatever, but YOU’RE DIFFERENT” (*cough* Mr. Darcy *cough*). There is a legitimate, believable, and sad reason to explain why he acts in certain ways, and why he pushes people away. I assure you that it isn’t a cop-out, and it really makes you sympathize for the guy.

Anyway, I highly recommend The Infernal Devices but moving on.

Things I hate about The Mortal Instruments:

-The characters. I’m pretty sure I hate them all. I hate the main character, Clary, she’s a self-obsessed idiot. I hate the token gay character, Alec, because other than being gay, there is absolutely nothing interesting or remarkable about him. I hated Isabelle Lightwood, “the pretty girl” there to judge Clary, and for Clary to judge her (I will amend–though I’m not entirely sure why–my hatred for Isabelle diminished as the series progressed. I don’t love her or anything, but I don’t hate her, either). My opinion on Simon Lewis is that he was probably the best character of this series, but that doesn’t say much because honestly, Simon Lewis is pretty forgettable. I really liked him in his standalone book, Tales of the Shadowhunter Academy, but as for his character in the original Mortal Instruments series . . . eh. He isn’t that remarkable. But since he’s not a terrible person like all of the others, he’s the best, and again, he and his roommate were GREAT in Shadowhunter Academy.

Lastly, I must address this character. He’s the one who’s going to make me talk the most, I promise you.

Excluding obvious villains or antagonists (If you’ve heard of The Help, I would smack Hilly in seconds), I’ve never hated a character more than I’ve hated this absolute (*censored screaming*).

Jace Herondale.

I hate Jace Herondale. All of the girls who said they were in love with him are in abusive relationships now because jeez. (Also, all of the girls who were in love with Noah Shaw [another character from a different series who I couldn’t stand–he’s nowhere near as terrible as Jace, but he’s still a d-bag and a caricature] are gold-diggers now.)

I actually wrote down a list from when I was twelve or thirteen, just ranting about how much I hated Jace Herondale. The crazy thing is, I remember most of this. I don’t remember the plots to some of the books I read a year ago, but I remember all of the details as to why I despise Jace Herondale. Goes to show you just how petty I am, and how I would be the world’s worst person to date. I will warn you before getting into it–there will obviously be spoilers, but honestly, you shouldn’t care. These books are not worth your time wasted (though honestly, neither is my ranting over it. But people enjoy drama, so I mean.)

Without further adieu, I present to you, just some of the reasons as to why I hate Jace Herondale. Prepare yourself:

-In this world, Shadowhunters (the main characters/series . . . it doesn’t matter) are supposed to protect the “mundanes”–regular humans–yet Jace is constantly putting them down for being who they are and acts as though he’s better than them. Literally, boy, shut up. Which leads me to my next point, which is that he has the most obnoxious ego of any character I’ve ever read about. He spends the entire series talking only about how he can kill things, and how “hot” he is. That’s it. I would stab Jace Herondale in real life.

-He purposely tries to make people feel bad about themselves. An example of this is that supposedly, the character, Isabelle, is a horrible cook who insists on trying anyway. The reason, probably, is because she enjoys it and wants to improve. Jace, however, constantly puts her down–even in the midst of company–for it. Maybe it’s because I’ve been on the receiving end of that, but there are few worse feelings than trying to do something, and maybe even feeling a bit proud of your accomplishments, only to be shot down for it and made fun of in front of a crowd. I honestly find it so disgusting, and it astonished me when I discovered that it’s a joke around the fandom, like “haha, Isabelle can’t cook” okay?? Anyway, yeah, Jace can choke for that alone. (I should also add that for all of his complaining, I don’t see Jace trying to cook)

-He bullied Simon (this also goes for part of why I hate Clary–she’s been Simon’s best friend since childhood, yet was completely silent whenever Jace antagonized him because she’s an idiot involved in an unhealthy relationship with Jace where she succumbs to his every will out of idolatry). The main proof of this is that Simon explicitly makes it clear that he is Jewish. Despite this, Jace uses nearly every opportunity he can to bash God in front of him, along with poking at Simon for being a “mundane.”

-also Jace is an atheist, which I’m not mad about, but I’m just laughing because he’s a half-angel atheist. Okay.

-His “tragic backstory” (because of course, he has one) doesn’t absolve him of anything. At all. The whole thing is that he grew up his father, who just so happens to be the main villain, until the age of 10. During that time, he raised a pet bird and loved it, right. His father, however, snapped its neck, telling him that “To love is to destroy.” Now, I’m not saying that isn’t rough. That’s a pretty traumatizing lesson to be taught as a kid. However, since then, he was adopted by the Lightwoods–a broken, but loving family–and lived with them for six years. In those six years, he didn’t ever think, “Hey, maybe my psychopathic dad was lying.” Here’s the thing: If that was the case, and if it were handled well, I may have been fine with it. Honestly, it may have even been some great characterization to have him stay so rooted and ingrained in that mindset–that trauma, HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE FACT THAT, AFTER A MONTH OF KNOWING CLARY, HE’S LIKE, “CLARY, HEY GUESS WHAT, YOU SAVED ME FROM THIS.”

. . . How? I ask, HOW?!

Ugh. God, it’s so stupid and I haaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeee ittttttttttttttt.

Also, to quote my 13-year-old self (she was funny) “I’M ONLY ACTING LIKE AN EMO EMPLOYEE AT HOT TOPIC BECAUSE TO LOVE IS TO DESTROY, CLARY.”

Okay, moving on.

-He literally couldn’t have cared less about Alec. There’s this thing called parabatai, which is a blood oath that basically binds two people who are “closer than brothers.” Jace and Alec are supposedly parabatai, but I literally forgot for the whole series, except on the instances in which Jace brought up the blood bind to guilt trip Alec into doing something stupid. I’m pretty sure that Alec also made known the fact that he was jealous because Jace was only paying attention to Clary, and Jace cared for maybe 2 seconds before being like “Welp, sucks to be Alec.” There was also the fact that in one of the later books, Alec’s boyfriend got kidnapped or they broke up or whatever–something happened, thus making Alec depressed, and EVERYBODY NOTICED EXCEPT JACE WHO WAS LIKE “WHY ARE YOU SAD?”

-They went to this Hell place in the last book I think and came across a boy named Mark Blackthorn who had been kidnapped and sent to Faerie. Upon locating the group, Mark begged them to take him back (and okay, this is on them all, not just Jace), and they didn’t. I understand that there were repercussions involved, but my young self was so mad because I remembered thinking that a character like Percy Jackson would have done the right thing in an instant while all these guys did was invent the literal version of “sending thoughts and prayers.”

-Speaking of that Hell place, they were in a place surrounded by demons, right. They were all in a cave and Jace was on watch when he woke an exhausted Clary for the purpose of making out. Listen. He was on watch in a realm literally surrounded by monsters, and he abandoned his friends and family so that he could make out with Clary. Just the fact that he woke Clary after a day of walking (probably because he was bored on watch), and that another character could have woken to the panic attack of “Where’s Jace?” only to find . . . that gives me enough incentive to hate him. So much irresponsibility.

-In the fourth book, he was being controlled or possessed every time he was around Clary (typing this, I’m hearing how stupid the plot is) with an urge to kill her. He tried distancing himself from her (so points there), only to give up, and ultimately stabbed her lol.

-He was napping in a public park and having woken up from a nightmare about Clary, instead of holding her tightly to reassure himself that she’s safe and alive, he literally just grabs and starts making out with her in a public place, where children are playing and elderly couples are relaxing. Really shows you what Clary means to him, that’s for sure.

-There’s a whole plot line of incest, which is so disturbing because Cassandra Clare seems to have a lot of interest in the subject matter. Basically, Jace and Clary find out that they are siblings after having dated for a month, which obviously makes them break up. However, Jace, of course, was later like, “Well we didn’t know we were siblings before, so we should still date” (this dude pushed for incest), and when Clary responded negatively, he moped about it. Sometime after their argument, Clary caught him making out with some other chick in a closet.

-He mouthed off to this Shadowhunter cop horribly and was thrown in prison for it (HAHAHHAHA), forcing the gang to all drag themselves to rescue him.

-When Simon died (he came back), Jace literally didn’t even blink. Clary was sobbing and he was just like “k that’s cool then.”

-There was this one scene in an earlier book where Jace went into a werewolf cove. For those of you who haven’t seen Twilight, just so you know, werewolves are humans with the ability to morph into wolves. But I just want to reiterate, they are humans. Anyway, Jace sauntered into this cove after a cub–a child–had been killed, and he mocked them for it. He insulted a dead child. And actual teenage girls like this guy. I can’t for the life of me fathom it, and I never will be able to.

-I’m pretty sure in the first book when Clary still thought that she was a human, Jace suspected her to a Shadowhunter and drew a Rune on her. However, a Rune drawn on a regular human would literally burn their skin and force them to endure torment for the rest of their life. That’s how little Jace cares: Based on suspicion, he was willing to take the chance of sentencing an innocent girl to eternal agony for the rest of her days. Nice going.

-This is more of an issue with Cassandra Clare than with Jace, but his physical description is worthy of all of my eye-rolls. Apparently, Jace has chiseled biceps with tattoos scattered over them, golden blonde hair, golden-tanned skin, and golden eyes. Uh huh.

That’s all for my list, I’m sure there’s more, but whooooo.

I’m tired of typing, but to top it all off, the plot is a Star Wars rip-off in the worst possible sense. The main villain is the least intimidating I’ve come across, which might be due to the fact that I didn’t care about the stakes at all. If anything–probably not a surprise–I was hoping that they would all die. Clary and Jace are the worst together, the incest plotline is concerning, none of the characters have any personality and not one piece of the plot has any originality. To summarize, I hate everything!

Since I mentioned The Infernal Devices trilogy, I’ll also give some quick thoughts on The Dark Artifices: Solid enough, the villain story is interesting and I appreciate the inclusion of Edgar Allan Poe. However, I hate Emma and Julian (I hate Julian less, but only in the terms of the role he serves to the Blackthorn family). I especially hate them together, and I hate the fact that there’s a high probability they’ll do something stupid to ensure that they’ll stay together (haven’t read the third book yet). The plot of Faerie is interesting, as is the issue of racism regarding the species. Cristina Rosales is a queen and would have been a better main character than Emma “Had-a-crush-on-Jace-and-is-friends-with-Clary” Carstairs.

I’m rereading this and realizing that wow, I am full of a lot of aggression. But it’s totally earned.

In conclusion, don’t be a normie; don’t read this series. Please. There are so many amazing books in this world (see my Mistborn review), so don’t waste your time on the awful ones.

  Unless you want to laugh at them.